Random Thoughts...

I wish Google maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

There is a great need for sarcasm font.

Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f*ck was going on when I first saw it. I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cause we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.

Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

Bad decisions make good stories.

Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'

I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles... As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

My 3-year old asked me in the car the other day "What would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, I saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.

My hubby

So my hubby is awesome... we talked and talked and talked.. then we cried and cried and cried... I, of course, yelled and yelled and yelled... I hate his family (long story) just the typical in law issues plus more and at 1 million times worst! (Get what I'm saying?) Yup! They are THAT bad!

Anyways, after endless tears and numerous objects free flying from my hand to hubby's direction... we've come to a conclusion... his family sucks! Ah! A realization for hubby... it's like he has just now seen the light... (Angels singing) HE is going to ignore his family and when they decide to take some ActRight meds, he will confront them and bitch them out! Which I am totally excited and at the same time supportive about... hehe! I felt bad at first because he has gone through a lot the past week dealing with the death of a friend and also choosing sides between me and his family and AT LAST!.. I won! This is a big deal to me because I never win... he is always quick to defend them and then lash out at me because he was always afraid to hurt their feelings but failed to acknowledge mine...

We'll see how things go.. it has only been Day 3 of post-drama so it's gonna be a long struggle ahead.. I can't wait... blah.

So, lets continue... I was saying how awesome hubby is.. well, he is awesome because he can deal with my airheadedness, neurosis, quick-temperedness, adhd, ocd, chronic anxiety and manic depression (all diagnosed). Believe me, if I had to marry me, I would totally be the "Wham Bam F You Maam! But I guess that also has to do with my perception of a male version of myself, who would be totally misogynistic but act sensitive... anyways, that's just another blog in itself...

UGH! Rough weekend for me! Also, this daylight savings time sucks donkey balls, I have to get up earlier than I normally do and it is going to take my mind and body a long while to adjust to this new time change... I'm feeling irritable already and Monday isn't here until tomorrow.