The things I've come to fear the most

are starting to flash before my eyes. What do I fear? Being broke! Becoming an old, fat chick. Superficial, yes I know I'll stay that way possibly. Of course there are other major things I fear but we won't get into that right now.

Lets first discuss the first part. This occurred to me when I was driving home from work today. Here I am jamming to my cool new cd that I stole out of my brother's car, so anyway driving in semi-traffic amongst other people trying to make it home, my windows are rolled down partially because I had a smoke earlier (I do that often now, blah) I look around me at the more professionally dressed individuals in their vehicles. Then I see this older couple walking on the sidewalk arms around each other. (I probably wouldn't have had such a good view of the pair had I been paying more attention to the roadway ahead of me instead of go up the curb toward them) yes, that's adorable and all those gushy feelings start to take over, but the first thought that came to my head was, "Oh fuck! I am gonna hit these geezers!" and also the thought of, "What music will I listen to when I get that age?!" Surely a song that crones "We're gonna stay 18 forever" or something that rocks the title "21 and invincible" won't suffice.

I love this young and reckless feeling, this feeling where a lack of direction is equivalent to the hopeful future-to-come. I have always been ready to settle down and here I am, settled. Just because things are so much more predictable and I'm just that much of a risk-taker. Not that settling is a bad thing. I honestly love my life and how it turned out so far but this lifestyle can only last so long. If I actually want to grow up and stop the whole 'Daddy to the Rescue' shit, that means I'd have to start saving, stop waiting on a trust fund, start climbing the metaphorical ladder, and actually start being responsible. I don't want to grow up. I don't want to face real life. I don't want to face adult life. I don't want to face financial situations. I don't want to learn what an IRA is. That's more like a nightmare than an actual fear, I suppose. Blah!

We can talk about the more obvious part tomorrow. The fat part.